Wow. What a difference a year makes. I don't look like I "imagined" myself to look after busting my butt for an entire year, but I did make significant progress! It was not without many bumps in the road, however.
"God Can Set You Free from Your Shame
Do you ever wonder what life was like for Adam and Eve before they sinned?
Genesis 2:25 tells us that though Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden, they were not ashamed. I believe that in addition to indicating they were without clothes, this Scripture also implies they were totally open and honest with each other, not hiding behind any masks, not playing any games. They were free to be themselves because they had no sense of shame. Once they had sinned, however, they hid themselves (see Genesis 3:6-8).
If not for the work Jesus did on the cross, all of us would have to live with the overwhelming shame of sin. But because of His sacrifice, mankind has the opportunity to enjoy perfect freedom with one another and with God.
Unfortunately, most of us still live with the burden of shame, even though the Word of God promises us and assures us that we can be free of it (see Isaiah 61:7).
God can deliver you from shame. Pray and ask Him to set you free from the shame that tries to build up within you.
Prayer Starter: Lord, I receive the freedom from shame that You purchased for me on the cross. No more hiding, no more feeling worthless. You have erased my sin and now I want to live free and open before You.
~ Joyce Joyce Meyer Ministries"
I made the decision to post my "before" picture to The Eat-Clean Diet website on Jan 1st, 2012, because I had just entered their 4th Annual Eat-Clean Diet Makeover Challenge. I knew that I had a large amount of weight to lose, but I believed that I could lose it. But I still had "hang-ups" about my body. I decided to give my "hang-ups" to God, and place them in His loving hands the moment I took this picture. When I did, everything changed.
The moment I attached my picture to my ECD profile and hit "Enter" that day, my world changed. It was as if hitting that "Enter" button on my keyboard opened up a new world of freedom for my body and I. I was no longer afraid for people to see me. I no longer felt the need to cover myself up with ridiculous clothing in the summer time. I no longer wanted to hide behind baggy clothes and long T-shirts. I was exposed, in more ways then just the physical nature, the moment I posted that picture.
I assessed my picture and all of the physical ugliness of it. I learned to accept what I had done to myself since losing my daughter in 2002, and I learned to love myself right where I was... 100+ pounds overweight, but still beautiful. Beautiful inside and out. God gave me this body. It's mine to honor Him with, and mine to keep healthy. My body and I have been on a long yet amazing journey over the past year. Although I started eating clean and participated in Overeaters Anonymous over 3 years ago, this past year has been by far the most eye opening and successful.
Soon after I posted my "before" picture on The ECD website last January, I went out and purchased all new clothes! Tops without sleeves were the first items I picked! Then I picked out shorts, skirts, and even a few dresses that were form fitting, instead of baggy. Why I should I punish myself and be uncomfortably hot all of the time, just because I felt the need to cover up my body so no one could see what I looked like underneath? Good bye, baggy T-shirts. So-long, sweat pants and leggings. Hello to a fab new closet full of comfortable, pretty clothes!
Last night, I took the picture posted above on the right (at the very top of this page), which was one of those "Ah-Ha" moments for me! It seems like I've been waiting for almost 3 years to feel and see a difference in my size and my weight. I have learned that, for me personally, my journey has been about so much more then just a number on the scale. It's not even about how quickly I can get my fat to "roll" off of my body. I think that God is taking me through such a long journey because in order for me to consider this as, what Tosca Reno calls a "Lifestyle instead of a diet," I have much to learn about my self, my body, and the foods that I have put into it in the past. There is so much to learn and understand.
It's not just about telling your self not to eat that donut... it's about understanding what is IN the donut that is toxic, and will kill you over time. It's not just about lifting weights and becoming fit; It's about how weight training affects your body and prevents disease such as arthritis, depression, obesity, osteoporosis, and so much more. It's not about being encouraged by others, it's about giving back to others and encouraging them. It's not about me, it's about changing the world and making it a healthier place. It's not about what I go through, it's about what I overcome. It's about realizing the cocoon is just a temporary growing place, where wings and freedom are created!
I have been through tragedy: the loss of a child. I've been through severe depression: Gaining well over 100 pounds because I stopped living my life after my daughter went home to be with The Lord. I've been through anxiety so bad, I stopped associating with people that I love and care about. I stopped leaving my house to socialize or do any thing other then purchase fast food to live on. I became so cold and stone-like, that I had no emotion left in my body, mind, or soul. I have tortured my body with toxic foods for so long, that I have damaged my immune system so badly, I am always sick. I am so brittle, that I always have re-occuring injuries. I have experienced stress, depression, illness, injury, anxiety, and self-destruction more then anyone that I have ever known in my life. 
But I can honestly say that, since finding Tosca and The Eat-Clean Diet along with Overeaters Anonymous, I have NEVER GIVEN UP MY FIGHT. Not one time. I may be down a lot, but I will never quit. Tosca has shared so much with us over the years. She has been my inspiration to keep going. She lost her husband, Robert "Bob" Kennedy last May to terminal cancer. Yet she kept going. I have many friends that I consider to be family over on the ECD Website, as well as my FB page. People who are so inspirational, they will not allow me to fail! I love them all... and they know who they are! =)
Without my support system, I would have given up a long, long time ago. My progress may be slow, but I am making progress. I finally see light in the middle of the tunnel. Sure, I have goals, and I set new ones to acheive each and every time I accomplish them. But I no longer put a time frame on my weight loss. My body has not shed much in the way of numbers on the scale, but I am finally out of the 200's !!! I have not seen 191 in over 6 years. It took me 10 years to get where I am today... I no longer expect it to fall off over night.
I'm not certain the exact number of pounds that I gained since 2002~ I always say "I've gained 100+" because I do not have an exact number. But on July 4th, a few years back, I did weight in at over 260 pounds (That's me, above, in the red shirt and blue hat, on the 4th of July). That is the heaviest I had ever been. I did get a little heavier after that, and went up another clothing size, but I joined Weight Watchers and shed about 30+ pounds or so over the course of that year. That was the year that I found the ECD. Weight Watchers did help a little, but being an un-diagnosed food addict at the time, it was not a good program for me to be on. It gave me too much freedom in my food choices.
It's not about the weight. It's about the drive. It's about the push. It's about moving forward, one step and one goal at a time. It's about continuing to do the right thing, even when you don't feel like it. It's about seeking out motivation when you feel like you just can't go another day. It's about your personal journey, and no one else's expectations of you. It's about having integrity, desire, and drive. It's about being centered, staying focused, and asking for help and support when you need it. It's about getting back up when you fall. It's not about how many time's you've fallen, but the Warrior in you who fights back.
It's about loving yourself enough to accept where you are now, and loving yourself enough to fight for what you deserve. It's all about YOU. God intended for all of us to be the best that we can be. For each new day that He gives me, I promise to always do my best in that day, whether it means I have to take tiny steps, or I'm able to leap giant strides.
I will stay focused on the prize. Thank you for that, Bob Kennedy (Read Bob's book 'Bull's Eye' for tips and motivation to achieve all of your goals and dreams)... I will remain FOCUSED.
Always~
The Kaptain
you really are a super strong women and inspire me everyday... Thank you much love to you
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Gina L =)
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