Identity Crisis, BE GONE!

I'ts been a while.

The past two months have been very trying for me.  I’ve been on a journey of self-exploration, goal evaluation, and questioning my mere calling in life, all while traveling a path of total resistance.  I seem to have been crippled by the disappearance of Tosca Reno and RKP. 

Up until this past June, my life had revolved around The Eat-Clean Diet as well as my Ambassador duties for Tosca and her amazing team.  There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t eat, breath, or speak of The Eat-Clean Diet.  Some of my happiest days occurred when I would open my mail box, and the newest editions of Oxygen and Clean Eating Magazines would fall into my hands.

Each and every morning, I would awake to the pretty much the same routine:  drinking my lemon water, eating a pre-workout meal of a complex carb and protein, spending about an hour lifting weights and getting my cardio-on, and checking in with the Kitchen Table on The Eat-Clean Diet Website while drinking my post-workout recovery smoothie.  I would check FB for Tosca’s blog post announcements, check Twitter for Tosca’s educational tweets, and write some form of inspirational post or new recipe for The Kitchen Table, Facebook, my personal Blog, or my website.

That has all changed now.  Robert Kennedy Publishing is gone.  Tosca is taking a much needed sabbatical.  The Eat-Clean Diet Team is quiet.  There is not much activity over on their website.  Tosca’s daily inspirational posts and pep talks are a thing of the past, yet I watch closely for her blog notifications, hoping and praying to see her back on the ECD any day now.

It’s been nearly two months.  My role model has taken a long and much needed break from social networking, and is trying to put her life back together.  I understand that. I fully support her.  I pray for her daily.  I miss her.  I miss The ECD.  I miss having direction and a sense of purpose every day.  I haven’t done so well on my own, with Tosca being absent.  It has led me to question many things in my life.

I’ve been told that I inspire many people daily.  I’ve been told that I am a terrific motivator, encourager, teacher, and advisor to many.  I’ve been thanked by many people for helping them through rough times, and helping to either keep them on track, or to get them back on track after a slip-up.  I’ve been told that I am such a giving and caring person, and that I have a lot to offer people.  I have been told that I am a strong and inspirational woman.  I’ve been told that I am organized, motivated, and focused.

Then why is it that I can’t seem to keep or stay motivated daily without Tosca?  Why do I not possess the strength to pick my self up and carry on?  How can it be that I have lost the motivation and focus to continue achieving my goals every day?  How can I not give to myself the very things that I am known to give others?  Why am I having trouble encouraging myself to go forward?  Why am I questioning my dreams, my goals, my wants, and my purpose?  Why has the closure of RKP set me so far back from where I was two months ago?  Why do I feel such a huge loss in my life? Why do I FEEL lost every day?

Perhaps I had taken my identity and put it into The Eat-Clean Diet.  Perhaps I believed that The Eat-Clean Diet defined me.  Perhaps I focused too much on The Eat-Clean Diet, and not enough on my personal thoughts, goals, wants, needs, and purpose in life?  Perhaps I became so reliant on The Eat-Clean Diet to get me through each day, that I lost sight of who I am without it.  Perhaps these last two months were meant for me to personally take a step back and re-evaluate my life.

That’s exactly what I have been doing:  evaluating, pondering and wandering, dreaming, questioning, re-prioritizing, avoiding, thinking, confronting, and working on myself.  I have continued to eat clean, lift weights, and get in my daily cardio. But it has been forced, and not embraced.  I have taken two vacations since June, and I still do not feel rested.  There have been outside trials and tribulations, endless family issues, visitors, and major life changes to face.  Normally, I can handle life stressors.  However, take my daily inspiration away from me, and apparently I fall apart.

I can’t blame Tosca for that!  If anything, I thank her.  Tosca’s absence has impacted me in a way that I never thought possible.  It caused me to face realities that I had no idea were even present.  Tosca’s absence has forced me to confront the reality that I have put my own identity in someone else’s hands.  I thought that I had my future all figured out, that I knew who I was, and that I finally had figured out what my purpose in life was. 

It took a life-changing catastrophe for someone else to open my own eyes about myself.  Tosca’s bankruptcy inadvertently became my personal bankruptcy.  I, too, became (emotionally) bankrupt because I had unknowingly and unintentionally placed my purpose and identity in someone else’s hands. 

I will always be an Ambassador for Tosca Reno and The Eat-Clean Diet.  I thank Tosca for giving me my life back.  She has taught me so much about food, health, my body, my mind, and the acceptance of my body no matter where I am at in my weight loss.  She has been such an inspiration to me for so long.  I had become dependant on her to get through each day.  Here I thought I was such a strong woman, but all along, I was relying on Tosca to provide my strength for me. 

Tosca is not responsible for me.  Nor is she responsible for my journey, my goals, or my success.  Neither are RKP, Oxygen Magazine, Clean Eating Magazine, or The Eat-Clean Diet.  They do not “define” me.  Only I can choose how my success is defined.  I can only be “myself.”  I must learn to rely on myself for encouragement, motivation, and success.  I am so much more then my weight.  I am so much more then a goal.  I am so much more then a dream.  I am so much more then a program, or a success story, or a writer and editor.

I am a woman of God. I am a Mom.  I am a Grandma.  These life roles are what truly define me. Without these three roles, I am nothing. I am so blessed that God has taken this opportunity to open my eyes and guide me down the path I am supposed to be on.  I no longer feel lost.  I feel calm now.  I feel peaceful.  I am ready to continue with my journey.

 I will be here for Tosca when she is ready to return.  I will be able to give so much more of myself in a healthier way, now that I know where my true value lies and what my role in life consists of.  I can’t wait to see what the future holds.  I have a shiny new perspective and am slowly getting my motivation back.  I am taking care of myself, and I am dreaming new dreams and setting new goals.

So much has changed over the past couple of months.  It’s been a scary ride, but today, I am grateful for the travels.  I encountered many forks in the road, but I believe I am on the right path again.  I am going to sleep with a smile on my face tonight, and for the first time in a long, long while, I am actually excited to wake up tomorrow morning, and work out in my own home gym.  Tosca is still not fluently active on social networks yet, but she is present.  And that is enough for me. I’m still praying for her, and awaiting her return to The Eat-Clean Diet.  Until then, I am good with my life.

As Always,

Eat Clean, Train Mean, and LIVE LEAN!

~Kymberly “Kaptain” Morgan

Return From Vacation: Time To Get Back On Track!

Hello, my Bloggee's!

I just returned from a very enjoyous vacation with my family!  We went to Disneyland and had a blast!  We took our granddaughters, Breanna (8 yrs) and Lilyanna (5 months), and they had a great time!  Bree has been there many times before, but this was Lily's first time.  She was so good, and loved all of the kiddie rides!  She even got to go on Pirates of the Caribbean!  She loved it! She is so alert for only being 5 months old... she laughed on every ride!  You should have seen her little face light up through "It's a Small World"... she was amazed and fascinated by the lights and all of the colors.  It was truly an amazing and much needed vacation.

I did very good sticking to my eat clean lifestyle while on vacation.  I already knew where all of the cleanest foods were located inside and outside of Disneyland.  I also stuck to my food treats that I pre-planned before going:  A hand-dipped Disney Corndog, and a Nestle Tollhouse Ice cream Sandwich!  The rest of my meals were clean.  We carried our own bottled water, as well as snacks such as nuts, seeds, and dry as well as organic fruits and raw veggie sticks.  We took our own oatmeal, almond milk, fruits, and nuts and made "Overnight Oats" to eat in our hotel room.  We also got a ton of exercise in daily!

I seem to be having a little bit of trouble getting back on track with my normal daily "routine" now that I am home.  I was very busy over this past weekend as well, and I feel like I am just so fatigued!  I am sore, tired, and achy.  I feel mentally exhausted... and I think that is from all of the fun of Disneyland!  I had no "rest and relaxation" days by choice... I wanted to enjoy each and every moment of my granddaughter's days and nights at Disney.  Mission accomplished!  I spent an entire week rising at the crack of dawn, and going to bed around 1 am.  I think I just need a few days of "down time" now to re-adjust.



I have not worked out in my gym since I've been home.  I'm actually really sore and achy from walking around Disneyland, standing in line the whole time, as well as 2 motorcycle rides I went on over the weekend upon returning home.  It's hard on the body riding a bike for 5-8 hours at a time, maneuvering a clutch and brakes, without taking a break! No wonder I'm so sore! Lol.

This week I will spend just relaxing while working from home.  I'll take it slow getting back into the swing of things.  I am eating clean as usual, but I do plan on resuming workouts tomorrow morning bright and early.  The Eat-Clean Diet webpage is still active, and the 5th Annual Makeover Challenge is still in effect! So there is lots to do still!

As Always, Eat Clean, Train Mean, and LIVE LEAN!

~Kaptain

Robert Kennedy Publishing Closes it's Doors... =(

Keep RKP staff/team/family in your thoughts and prayers while they endure this difficult time. You amy kindly share this picture on Facebook.  Thank you, followers.

XOXO
~The Kaptain

Feeling Defeated? Push Those Setbacks Behind You For Good!

FAILURE:  The outcome of when a person stops trying. SETBACK:  A temporary occurrence that prevents achievement of a particular goal or circumstance.

If you've tried new things recently such as eating clean (or maybe a new fitness regimen), then you've probably encountered days when you just don't "feel" like you can continue on with it.  You may be feeling hungry, tired, or sore.  You may have less energy then you did when you started eating clean, or you may be experiencing skin breakouts! 

You might even be suffering from massive confusion in regards to all of the new information your brain is absorbing with your new lifestyle!  You may also have said to yourself more then once, "I can't do this!  This is not for me!"  or my favorite excuse, "This is too hard!" 

promise you... you CAN do this.  What you are feeling and experiencing is completely normal.  We've all been there, and we still go through it on occasion.  You CAN and will move past this phase and have a very successful, happy, and blessed Eat-Clean journey!  First, we must come to terms with the fact that we are all in the "need" of improving our health.  We must separate real food from fake food, and learn how to eat for nutrition, and not for temporary satisfaction.  Along with these lessons comes personal learning curves.  We are all different... some things work for some people, and other things work for other people.

One of the many things I've learned through my own personal Eat-Clean journey over the past 3 years is this:  Failure is only a factor when you've completely given up and stop taking care of your self.  Failure does not define "trial and error."  It simply means that you tried, and you STOPPED TRYING. That is FAILURE.  When we don't take care of our health and make the best decisions for our bodies, then our bodies will fail us by completely shutting down and eventually stop functioning, creating death. That is factual FAILURE.  Failure to care for, failure to thrive, failure to produce, failure to live.

However, you CAN stop failure before it is too late!  Just watch what how quickly your body bounces back when you begin to eat and live in a more healthful manner!  Yes, you will go through a short "detox" phase in the beginning, but hey, that's just your body thanking you for feeding it the proper nutrients by detoxing all of the old crud out of your system!  Now that, my friends, is called a "Temporary Setback."

Temporary Setbacks are NOT failures!  You must learn how to decipher between the two!  So, you woke up today and decided to have pancakes made with white flour and white sugar, topped with more refined sugar in a the form of fake syrup.  You washed it down with a 24 ounce glass of Sunny Delight, and also polished off a half pound of nitrate/nitrite laced smoked maple flavored bacon.  And an hour later, you feel worse then you did before you ate that disgusting breakfast.  Your energy is gone,  your stomach hurts, and it's churning and gurgling.  You feel lethargic, and want to crawl back into bed.  That list of daily "to-do's" you were so eager to perform while you were writing out the list has been thrown into the trash, and your motivation has all but flushed down the toilet. 

Yes, this is a temporary set back, and NOT a failure!  Now.... what to do with all of this.  Well, it's really quite easy:  GET UP, GET MOVING, AND START YOUR DAY OVER.  Flush out that crappy breakfast with lots and lots of good, clean filtered water!  Eat a snack of raw, sliced vegetables and homemade hummus for a light snack before lunch.  Make yourself a huge salad, or grain-free meal for lunch.  Eat an apple with a tablespoon of natural nut butter.  GET BACK ON TRACK TODAY.  Now. Not "tomorrow" or next Monday. JUST DO IT. No excuses.

Getting back on track from a temporary setback is called "recovery."  YOU CAN RECOVER FROM YOUR SETBACKS... but more importantly, you are creating your own journey of trial and error by these setbacks.  Be sure you journal daily, especially in the beginning of eating clean.  It is so helpful to be able to go back and read about what worked and didn't work for you.  The next time you are craving a non-nutritional breakfast because it "sounds" good, go back and read some excerpts from the last time you ate and felt crappy.  Be honest about your setbacks... come here to the Kitchen Table and share them with all of us.  You'll find an immense amount of support and encouragement here, and we will all continuously cheer you on.

I promise you, if you do keep a daily journal- at least in the beginning- it will assist you in making more appropriate and healthy meal choices.  Once you start to override your bad choices with good choices, you will begin to see how well your body responds to it, and you will (and should) be proud of your decision to eat for nutritional reasons rather then eating for momentary satisfaction .  If you do this once per day, every day for an entire week, you will have developed your own new habit of replacing one crappy meal with one good meal! 

Next week, you can try this whole routine again with all of your daily snacks or lunches, and then the week after that, incorporate healthier dinner options.  A month after that, try removing grains after lunch, and keep your dinner plates full of lean protein and complex carbs, with a little fruit and plain Greek yogurt for dessert.  You WILL get the hang of eating clean, you WILL learn how to overcome your setbacks through trial and error and continuing to move forward.

You must learn to take each day as an "individual" day to perform at your highest peak.  Utilize your circumstances for each day with what you have, and where you are mentally and physically.  Do your best with what you have, where you are, and how you are able.  I remember last year after a devastating double knee injury just a few short months into the 4th Annual ECD Makeover Challenge when I was bed-bound through much of the spring and into the summer.  I didn't allow that to stop me!  I tightened up my diet since I could not do much of anything else, I did sit-ups in bed, and did light upper-body weight training with 5 pound dumbbells in bed, and pretty much planned my come-back for 2013 while sitting in bed everyday! 

I had my husband gather all of my past editions of Oxygen and Clean Eating magazines, all of my ECD books, and my bible along with several note books, pens, pencils, and my laptop computer.  I diligently planned my meals from bed, and taught my husband (on paper) how to cook clean for me.  I gave him my meal and snack plans daily, and insisted on only drinking water.  I followed through with doctor's orders, and performed my Sports Medicine Therapy for my knees at home.  The only time I took a pain killer was at the ER on the day of my injury.  The pain was so bad, I could not tollerate it.  I hate any form of medication, and refuse to take it.  Slowly, I recovered, and bounced back at the end of 2012.

I bounced back ONLY because I did not look at my injuries as FAILURES, but as a temporary setback.  I did my best every day, with what I had, and lived in the moment.  Sure, I had rough days where I was in pain, or did not feel like eating at all.  But I pushed through it.  I stuck to my plan, and I persevered.  You can do this too... by realizing that you have not failed unless you have COMPLETELY given up.  Please, please, please... understand the difference between failure, defeat, setbacks, and pushing through!  The true definition of those five words will set you free!  I promise.

                                                                                                  
Oh, and one last item, my lovelies:  TOSS THAT SCALE!  Release the bondage!

As always, Eat Clean, Train Mean, and LIVE LEAN!

~The Kaptain

Happy Juicy June!

Juicy June~  a time to detox, eat raw, and get our internal organs healthy and functioning correctly again.  I love how I feel when I have juiced in the past, but I have to admit, it's not the easiest thing I've ever done!  Although I chose to juice for only 3 days, the side effects from detoxing are enought to make me want to eat carbs! Bad carbs!  I choose to push through, however, knowing that my colon, liver, kidneys, gallbladder, lungs, blood, skin, nails, and hair will all thank me later.

It's been a busy few days for me!  I started off Thursday by making a run to our local weekly Farmer's Market, which happens to be at our beach.  It's so beautiful there, I often go early, and read on the beach before the market starts.  I arrived with my produce list, and carefully picked out the nicest, healthiest looking organic produce that I could get my hands on.  I came home with pounds of green beans, citrus, beets, celery, cucumbers, a variety of berries, kale, onions, garlic, watermelon, peaches, kiwi, spinach, ginger root, and so much more.

I slowly worked my way up to juicing by starting to eat mostly raw foods last week, and by incorporating different juices into my diet every day leading up to yesterday's official "start" date.  The morning went very well, and I had a variety of juices that I had made the night before. You should really drink your juice fresh and within 24 hours, but I wanted to be prepared with no excuses to start my juice fast yesterday morning.  So I prepared several jars to get me started.

Things went great until about 3 pm.  I started to get a headache, as well as a nauseated feeling in my stomache. I knew this was "normal" for me, as I had juiced in the past. This is the hardest for me to endure: day one!  I continued to juice and drink tons of water, and I ended up getting really grumpy and feeling hungry. So I kept juicing. Around 8 pm, I noticed my headache was going away, and I felt much better.  I feel asleep much quicker then I usually do, and I slept all night without any sleep disturbances. That is a new one for me!

I woke up today feeling ready to get started.  It took me 50 minutes to finish my first juice of the day, as it was full of pulp (I chose to leave the pulp in some of my juices, for a good colon flush).  I also had a cup of hot water with a squeeze of lemon in it, as I really missed my coffee yesterday.  Today, the act of having a hot cup of liquid seemed to "trick" my mind into thinking I was still having coffee. Hey, whatever works!

It's 1:30 pm right now, and I'm feeling great. I have a mild headache that is gradually decreasing. No nausea today. I do feel rather fatiqued, however. Low-energy. But I have more energy today then I did yesterday. I'm sure tomorrow, I will feel even better!  Eventually, I'd like to work my way up to juicing for a whole week, and so-forth.  I am the type of person who needs to proceed slowly into juicing because I am a recovering "Overeater," and the feeling of food deprivation can wreak havoc on my brain.  But so far, so good.  Juicing is actually helping me stay focused, organized, and it's causing me to pay attention to my actual hunger level, instead of what "sounds" good.  There was a time in my life where I would take a donut or a cheeseburger over a fresh juice ANY day of the week. But not any more.

I love how I am feeling throughout this juice cleanse, and in the back of my mind I keep reminding myself how many toxins I am releasing from my body by doing this. The begining is rough, I can't lie about that. But I intend to push through all the way to the end!  Three days doesn't sound like much, but if you've never done a juice fast before, then be prepared! 

You will feel different things at different times, and go through many stages of hunger, fullness, feelings, and cravings... but you will also experience satisfaction, fullfillment, and a sense of accomplishement.

I'll check back in with you guys Tuesday morning!

If any of you are interested in juicing or eating raw, please check out the RawRawLife FB page... Carla is amazing, and she knows her stuff!  Watch her videos on YouTube, and purchase her books here:

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/RawRawLife?hc_location=timeline

Website:  http://www.rawrawlife.com/

Youtube:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdgR_GltLjY


As always, Eat Clean, Train Mean, and LIVE LEAN!

~The Kaptain

PROCRASTINATION: Is This Your Downfall?

I used to be a procrastinator.  Big time.  Mixed with severe depression, procrastination is what kept me hiding in bed from the world for nearly 7 years, while my body slowly became obese.

Procrastination is a life stealer.  It's a happiness stealer, and it's a dream stealer.  It will steal goals, time, organization, and your health.  I know about procrastination all too well.  It's an extremely hard yet ironically simple issue to overcome.  Here's how you can do it...

When you first open your eyes in the morning, don't think about yesterday.  Don't think about today, or the tasks that lie ahead.  Simply wake up, sit up, and thank our beautiful Lord Jesus for giving us a life of forgiveness, and thank God for another beautiful day in which to shine for Him.  Be grateful.

After you thank the Lord for your brand new day, GET UP OUT OF BED!  Move your self to the kitchen and drink a glass of water with lemon inside.  Next, I want you to eat something. Something heatlhy.  A small bowl of hot oats with berries and 2 hard boiled eggs on the side.  Or perhaps a veggie omlet with a half of an apple sliced up on the side. Even a slice of whole grain toast with all natural nut butter spread on top will do the trick.  JUST GET YOUR ENERGY FLOWING AND YOUR METABOLISM BURNING!

While you are eating, chew slowly and enjoy your food. Taste it. And drink more water.  Plan tomorrow's breakfast while you are eating today's... this will move you in the right direction, and you will be ready to eat when you wake up! You will be PREPARED to start your day off on the right foot.

Next, create a motto or words of encouragement that "speak" to you.  My favorite motto is this: "You can give in, give up, or give it your ALL."  I keep this everywhere throughout my house and office, and I view it frequently.  It helps to keep me motivated and moving in the right direction: Accomplishment instead of Procrastination.

Every day, choose something to do for 15 minutes straight without stopping, such as cleaning/straightening out your refrigerator, or maybe a cluttered drawer or cabinet. My favorite things to do to stay organized and keep from procrastinating later on are cleaning out the tupperware cabinet, and wiping down the water dispenser on the outside of our refrigerator.  If I take just 15 minutes out of every day to complete these small tasks, they stay neat and clean, and I don't have to procrastinate over the weekend to get them cleaned up.  Don't allow clutter to become overwhelming to clean on your days off from work! You won't deal with them!

Now, practice this method daily, and add to it every week.  You can choose to spend 10 minutes every evening straightening up your laundry room, or cleaning out your car in the driveway and wiping the interior and windows down.  Or how about that counter top that is always full of clutter?  Take just a few minutes daily to clear it, and put all items in their rightful places.

How many of you procrastinate when it comes time to eat healthy and/or get some exercise?  Procrastination in this area will eventually KILL you.  I don't think you want that, do you?  If you have to, start off slow!  Change a few bad eating habits every week.  Start walking for 15 minutes a day, and add to it.  Get yourself a small weightset, and add to it from there. Add a new recipe to your menu once or twice a week, and continue your collection.  Baby steps will keep you from procrastination.

Have a project to work on? Procrastination setting in due to the overwhelming task? No problem!  Break it down, on paper, into easy and small steps or goals. Make a commitment to yourself to complete at least 2 to 3 tasks from your list each day for X amount of days.  You'll have it done in no time.  You have to break down the big picture into smaller, do-able tasks. Organization is key here. Laziness is not an option.

Do you want to know the biggest secret to overcoming procrastination? Tell someone what your daily goals/chores are, and hold yourself accountable to that person at the end of each day!  You don't want to have to tell your husband or your wife or your sister that you did not complete something!  You will be more likely to get things done and not be a procrastinator. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, so all you have is this moment, right now, TODAY.

Do the most you can, with what you have, right where you are at.  You'll be amazed at the quality improvement in your life after you hold yourself accountable!

As always, Eat Clean, Train Mean, and LIVE LEAN!!!

~

The Kaptain

Do Not Define Your Journey By Time Or Empty Expectations!

Hello to all of my Blogee's out there! I don't think I have many, but I'd like to tell you how appreciative I am that you are following my journey with me!  Your feedback, comments, and support have been nothing but positive! Thank you all!

Do you ever allow your journey to be sidetracked or derailed by fleshly desires, injury, illness, or by things that go awry within your journey?  Find out exactly what I have to say about all of these issues here over at The Eat-Clean Diet's Kitchen Table page:

http://www.eatcleandiet.com/the_kitchen_table/story/post.aspx?id=29229

Leave me a comment, and let me know what YOU stuggle with.  You can get through this, and you can be successful. Just hang in there!  Look what NOT giving up has done for me so far:

Have a great weekend, everyone.  As always, Eat Clean, Train Mean, and Live LEAN!!!!

XOXO~  The Kaptain